Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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