Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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