lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
