Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
