she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
