Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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