Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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