youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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