I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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