So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
