You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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