I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
