Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
