dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
