A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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