It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
