Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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