Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
