I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
