I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
