Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
