I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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