Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
