we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
