Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You took a bar mat shot.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
