I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
ttyl tear gas
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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