At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
