my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just forgot I was standing up.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
