I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
