Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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