wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
