meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize