3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
