i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
