I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
