I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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