i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
