omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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