Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
