you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
