There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
