i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
