Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
