that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
