I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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