Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
