He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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