Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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