Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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