I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
