I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize