just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just forgot I was standing up.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize