she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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