I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
