There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize