A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
