She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
