I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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