it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
