Reggie can tackle my bush.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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