So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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