Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
