did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
