Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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