Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
