I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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